There’s been a lot of debate about kink’s place at Pride this year. As two cis-het white guys, we don’t really feel like we have any place to comment on that, nor do we think anyone wants to hear what we could possibly think about it.
But as two Irish guys, we feel that we have a responsibility to make the following public statement:
What we need is more kink at St. Patrick’s Day.
We think it might help to destigmatize kink in other public venues as well as destigmatize the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day, which is commonly known as pretty much the Blackout Drunk Festival. Hard to imagine a world where this isn’t a win-win, but if you’re still on the fence, we’ve got a couple examples of how we think this whole kink at St. Patrick’s Day could go down:
- Faerie Circle Chokers
Every good Irishman knows not to cross a faerie or they’ll punish you without remorse… which… we could be into. Take those fairy rings and strap them tight around our necks, Danny Boy.
- Selkie Roleplay
As green-blooded men from Éire, we might not be inherently into furry play. If you dress up as a seal who sheds its skin, though, that all goes out the window. These Irish eyes are sizing you up.
- Ball-and-Gag Pipes
Oh m’name is McNamara—I’m the leader of the banned S&M edition of the lovely drone bag instrument!
- Stilt Kilts
The Irish wore kilts too? Hmmm maybe you can look it up… or you could step on under and look up at our Blarney Stones.
- Leather Paddy
Did St. Patrick forget to drive one last snake out of Ireland or is this parade getting a lot more festive?
- Green Bukkake
I mean, Jesus Mary & Joseph, we dye the beer green, don’t we?
- We do have cops, but… hear me out…they LOVE to be punished!
Our people have a bad rep for being dirty cops, and all we’re saying is… what if we made them dirtier? Sláinte!
For more from this issue, click here
Support leftist comedy and art! Subscribe to our Patreon or buy some physical goods from our shop.