What Mitch Meant!

The Func Dead Heads

Ghoul Mitch McConnell

What He Said: “Corporations should stay out of politics.”

What He Meant: “Corporations should stay out of politics and donate billions of dollars to politicians while lobbying for anti-worker legislation. Capeesh?”

What He Said: “My Body. My Choice.”

What He Meant: “I have singular control of the legislative body of government, so ultimately I choose what happens.”

What He Said: “My view is that Trump will not change the Republican party.”

What He Meant: “We’ve always been like this.”

What He Said: “America is a land of second opportunities.”

What He Meant: “America is a land of unlimited opportunities for people with money.”

What He Said: “No matter how unusual a personality may be who gets elected to office, there are constraints in this country. You don’t get to do anything you want to. So I’m very optimistic about America.”

What He Meant: “Elect whatever Black Marxist you want, I’ve got the Supreme Court ready to declare public schools illegal.”

What He Said: “The people who would call me an obstructionist overlook some inconvenient facts.”

What He Meant: “The fact that for me to be an obstructionist would imply you have the expectation of any sort of power in this dynamic at all. Enjoy the bits of pickle slices that accidentally fall off my hamburger, you dogs.”

What He Said: “I think I’d like to be an owner of a Major League Baseball team.”

What He Meant: “Hand over the Miami Marlins, or I’ll make the federal bench look like a QAnon convention.”

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