As a lifelong New Yorker (except those years I didn’t live here) I couldn’t be more excited about legalizing weed. I’m happy that the NYPD has one less tool in their “fuck with POC” utility belt. I’m happy to see funds reinvested in marginalized communities. I’m happy I can finally just go to the goddamn store to buy some goddamn pot without having to text five people all inexplicably named Brad. There is something far more important and consequential, however, that almost no one is talking about: we can all finally become the dank ass gardeners we’ve always aspired to be thanks to the carve out for homegrow.
Starting 18 months from now (because capital gets a head start), we plebes can legally grow our own plants! Six plants for personal use, twelve for a household of two people!? I’m in heaven! You thought it was fun deciding between an eighth of indica or sativa before? The possibilities for a garden hobbyist now are spectacular. Do I go from seed or a clone? Autoflower or photoperiod? Hydroponic, maybe? Do I mix my own soil and make my own compost tea? Who knows—it’s a brand new world.
Yes, we all love to “choom up” and “get wet as good pussy” off pot, but come on, we know the gardening part is what everyone is REALLY excited about! How long have so many of us stared at the empty corner of our apartment and thought “GOD a grow tent would look nice there, but would be suspiciously smelly?” Years—we all have been thinking this for years. You see, as a cis white guy, the smoking of weed has been de facto legal for me forevs, but growing and caring for these sweet bud babies has not. I’m excited for the ways in which this begins to almost address the drug war and inequalities in policing also, of course.
I suppose I’ll start phenotype hunting, because of course the goal is to create a new strain by propagation and cloning various plants; this is a multi-year project. Literally THE most fun and exciting part about marijuana is finally available to us, folks! Free of legal worry, I could even get nuts with it and put a 5 gallon bucket with a plant on my fire escape. I’ve been looking for a project to do with my 5 gallon bucket since the fall! Fuck tomatoes; fuck them to hell. Cannabis plants are my best summer friends now.
Jesus, I haven’t even really begun to talk about all the equipment: lightning, soil, tents, trellises, vans, air vents, humidifiers, dehumidifiers, temp control. Dear god, I’ll be paying it ALL off for years!
Picture this: it’s after everyone is vaccinated. You’ve got some friends over. You’re hanging out, and someone asks, “Does anyone have any grass?” Without fear of a cop in your midst, you can now say those magic words: “yes, come to my basement!” You usher your friend, or nephew, or the neighbor’s kid, down the stairs and explain in fine detail every piece of equipment and every step of the process from germination to seedling transfer to low stress training to fertilizing, and they listen with rapt attention and boundless awe. If there’s something more interesting than the minutiae of growing plants, I’d like to hear it!
Can’t wait to see you out there this summer alongside me, New York. Together, our floppy hats will protect our eyes from the sun or grow lights. We’ll mix coffee grinds and egg shells in with the soil of community. And we’ll make sure to strategically prune the stems of injustice, so that the dankest, bushiest democracy in the world may finally bloom!
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